Wednesday, 27 July 2011
On husbands who abandon their wives and children.
An interesting blog on the Daily Telegraph today raises the question of where was Anders Breivik's father during his childhood and youth? (Click here to read it).
Anders' father abandoned him and his mother when he was one year old.
My job means that I often see the effects of marriage break-down, particularly amongst children. It is appalling the level of sadness that is inflicted on the ex-wife and the children. Even in my own family, the adultery of my uncle 20 years ago led to a divorce, which caused a nervous break-down for my cousin, alcoholism for another cousin, and the eldest I have not seen for nigh on 20 years. One of my cousins refuses to refer to his father as Dad, constantly referring to him by his first name. When he speaks to his father I don’t think he calls him ‘dad’ either – in other words, my adulterous uncle is still punished by his son even 20 years later.
Can I urge any husbands reading this post who are contemplating abandoning their wives for another woman to think on these three points:
1) If you leave your wife and children for another woman, you are effectively saying to your children that ‘my hatred for your mother is greater than my love for you.’ And the children will grow up thinking (at least subliminally) ‘Dad didn’t really love us, because if he did, he would have done everything possible to make things work with mum.’ No matter how much you tell your children you love them, they will never fully believe you, because actions speak louder than words. You have abandoned them.
2) If you abandon your wife for another woman, you are telling the world that your word is not to be trusted. For how can you be considered trustworthy if you publicly declare yourself to love a woman through poverty and sickness, for better or worse, to stick with her come what may – and yet you do not keep that promise? The way people perceive you will be altered permanently if you divorce. Your decision, if you make it, to break your vows will alter the way your boss views you, the way your friends view you, the way your family views you. Be aware of that.
3) If you abandon your wife (and children) for another woman, you are saying to your creator that you do not care that he hates divorce and calls the marriage bed to be undefiled.
Heb. 13:4 Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous.
If there be readers of this post who have already sinned against God, their spouses and their children in this way, take heart that Jesus Christ came to rescue sinners. He died that you may be forgiven. He calls you to repent and confess your sin. But if there are readers of this post who are contemplating divorce, I say to you, do not do it! If your arm were broken and causing you pain, you’d get it attended to, you wouldn’t amputate it! And if your marriage is in trouble, seek to have it healed, don’t end it.
Thanks for stopping by. (For more thoughts on marriage, as Biblically described, click here.)
Posted by Ian Cameron at 07:43